A Personal Struggle for Self Worth
an anonymous channeling
What is my purpose?
The purpose of life is to live it and to live it well remember that you are given people in your life to love and you should set yourself to the task of loving them, and loving them completely. Through it all god is but love, and this you are finding out on your own. Donít question this about god or yourself just live it and live it the best way possible. Knowledge is fleeting and knowledge is fast but all things that are meant to be, shall come to pass and you are not going to change that by doing anything differently. Can you see that you are meant for something, that you must follow and that you will be what you are meant to be. By languishing in your own pain you are doing no one any good. You need to come out of it to be the instrument that god has called you to be. You wonder who god is but you do not need to wonder. God is personal, god is not personal, god is everything and nothing and you are here now living life because god has willed it. The pursuit of god is the noblest one, but while here on this earth that he gave you learn how to be pleased and satisfied with what he has willed. Learn how to be pleased and satisfied; why canít you be pleased and satisfied?
Books are good and knowledge is grand, but without woven relationships, stitched into your soul, where really are you? And you need to find out how to make things happen. You have read about the tools but employed none of them. You have been given the banquet but you have yet to sample even one savory bite and why? Because you are caught up in your own experience and your own circumstance. You reach for the salt but you need to taste it first. You languish and while you do, you cannot be all that you are meant to be. You ruminate and wonder and lament and complain and until you lay it all to the side you will not sprout up into the flower you are meant to be.
What flower is that? And why am I so loathing of my own self?
You are loathing of yourself because you have been taught to loathe yourself. You have stuffed it deep beneath your layers and you donít know how to work it out, out of your being. You have to work it out of your being. You walk around with such a high head but deep inside there is so much pain even we cannot reach it. God cannot be heard by your ears because they are already buzzing with the droves of pain, the pain is all around you. You are a woman in pain and you do not let yourself see it. You donít let yourself cry it. But what you donít know is that until you do you will continue in your pain, and die in your pain. So which will it be? The life of grandness meant for you or the life of pain? Which do you want?
I donít want the pain, I want the grandness. I want the grandness. I need the grandness!
Then it shall be yours. But what are you going to do to get it? What? This is the first time youíve ever sat down and really tried to make contact with your divine. Why? You know what is out there. Why now?
Because I am lazy. And perhaps scared because I donít know what is right or what is wrong.
You donít know what is right and what is wrong because you donít let yourself know. The banquet. The banquet. It is before you. Take it. What is right anyway and what is wrong? Let yourself eat. Let yourself touch and feel and know and breathe what has been given you. It is all good. You are not bad. Your bones are not bad. You are wondrous. You are wondrous in godís eyes and you can be wondrous in the world. You are in your cocoon and you have to let yourself out.
Knowing. Owning. Feeling. Learning. Living. Writing. Creating. You have the tools with you know. Employ them.
What has hurt me?
You know the answer.
Iím scared of the answer.
You still know it. And what does fear serve you. It doesnít serve you. It immobilizes you. What good are you immobilized?
Iím no good. And Iím less than what Iím meant for.
Indeed. Less than what youíre meant for. You came from hard years. You came from hard times. Your home and your life and your lot and your relations were always, always hard. But it is these hardships that have brought you here. Made you what you are. You have to learn that.
I know that. But I canít end the pain, or stop the pain that underlies it.
Then you cannot grow. Without allowing the pain to be valid and real in your soul you cannot grow. Own that pain. What are you scared of? Youíve already been there and felt it once. To revisit is not to live it again. It is but to identify.
I am scared. Scared of my father. Of the darkness, of the poverty, of the slippery people who wanted to do me ill.
In every experience there are people that want to do you ill, you will not escape that no matter how enlightened. Souls that are grey love to lure you in and have you wallow with them awhile. Transcend. Transcend. Help others. Help those that cannot. Help those that do not have the time or the energy or the gumption to get out. Get out yourself and then open the doors for others. You have no idea what awaits. No idea. The life. No idea.
Am I really communicating with something higher or just me?
What difference does it make, it is all the same when you read it, it is all the truth. So take it.
I want to, I want to be the best that I can be. I want to give to others what they need from me. And I want to use this tool for the glorification of my lord.
Then do it. You shall do it. Fix yourself. Fix your physicality, the danger you put yourself in, be done with it. Fix your body, your temple. Continue your studies, continue on until you know it is time. Then it shall begin. In you it has begun, like a kernel, but it will begin again, it will grow some more, when you are ready and in tune and aligned. We shall be with you, watching, guiding, talking, helping. We are always with you. We are the higher ones that help with the higher purposes we are the ones that call you to higher levels, higher understanding. You were called for such an understanding but have to date been bungled by your fleshly circumstance. Higher, higher, higher, your mind must go higher, your spirit must go higher. Higher. You are called to be higher. Come with us, make yourself right so that you can come with us and experience what is in store for you. You will not want or lack. You will not want or lack, but you will give and flow like a river and a stream and to others you will bring the blessing. We are the ones to help you. We have been waiting for the day, and even now, it is not upon us. But it will be. Do you see? Higher, higher, higher.